I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
