Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
