If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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