nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
