I want to have your abortion
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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