He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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