Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
