I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
