Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize