You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
