I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
