I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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