dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize