Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
