Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
