u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
soo... how was my night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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