Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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