The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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