I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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