Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
