i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
