I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
