no, he came in my armpit
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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