she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we're making bets on your personal life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
