Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
