I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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