Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
