so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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