I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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