we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
