so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
