uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
