Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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