I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
