Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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