if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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