u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
