I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
