Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
