What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
