Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
