just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
