I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
