what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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