I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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