oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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