im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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