I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
