why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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