I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
