I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize