How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
