call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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