She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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