i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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