dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
