yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
