so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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