Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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