Pappa wants mamma naked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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