So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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