The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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