Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
