so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
