stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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